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This post was written by my good friend, Cheri Britton, from BoomThinking.com and author of BOOM Thinking: The Gutsy Guide for Breaking Out of Old Mindsets. She has a remarkably entertaining writing style…one that grabs you by the arms and pulls you forward until you recognize yourself in her words. I hope you enjoy it – and learn from it – as much as I did!
When You Can’t Shift and It’s Time To Get Off the Pot: Lessons I’ve learned from my Mini-Van
Cheri Britton, www.BoomThinking.com
I’ve just had to replace my transmission. That meant that I was forced to come up with some moola AND stay home for 3 days. HURRAH! I could slow down and do some of that “inner work” and self-care that I’d been meaning to. The good news? It only cost me $4289.39! I hope that you get the sarcasm here.
The truth is my van’s transmission was not the only thing that was slipping out of gear. For a long time now, I have been running in too high a gear and have been WAY PAST DUE for an overhaul myself. Not only have I been physically going at speeds that were tearing down my engine, but I was facing some enormous emotions too. I have been vacillating between immobilizing fear and heart-pounding overwhelm, with periodic bursts of fruitful work sprinkled inbetween. I’ve known for some time that I’ve been due for “some time up on blocks to take a look at my own engine.”
Well, sometimes circumstances have a strange and magical way of making us face what we have been trying hard to avoid.
As I sat in the waiting room of the repair shop contemplating the dent that this new transmission was going to put in my bank account AND feeling stranded with no auto to boot, I felt, on a deep, deep level, that this was a wake-up call.
So, in that moment, I surrendered.
Well, actually that’s a lie. In that moment I sobbed and wrung my hands and had a gigantic pity party!
But slowly I began to wake up to what was really happening. I reached out to friends for support. I began to consider that this was my opportunity to really take that much needed look under my own hood. To do some assessment of those fears that had been making me sputter. To give myself a tune-up.
It was an awkward, uncoordinated and slightly pathetic surrender…but I surrendered.
So the next day I pulled out my “tool box” (my piles of Self-Help books and journals), flopped down on my comfy bed and started to “work”. I’d read a while, journal, cry, read some more, make a new sign for my wall, and cry some more.
I’d stop every now an then to watch a movie or putz around on the Internet, but I just kept returning to the bed. I’d pick up a book and magically turn to a phrase or chapter that reminded me that I could make anything happen that I put my mind to. I was reminded that the health of the roots predicts the health of the fruit. My roots had been malnourished for a while.
As I lay there, smack-dab in my fear, no longer rushing to push through it or minimize it, my phone rang with work (and money). As I held myself through my worries about money and being single and feeling alone, people called to hire me as their coach.
Specically I received word that I would be speaking at the NC Conference for Women in Jan 2009 (something I really wanted) and 2 people signed up for my SOUL-opreneur Series…that very day. It was like God was rewarding me for taking time for myself.
Okay, write this down…it’s quite profound. Avoiding the hard stuff doesn’t make it go away. Just like pretending that there is plenty of gas in your car when your on empty doesn’t allow you to go farther. No Duh!
The health of your roots really do determine the quality of your fruits.
Now don’t get me wrong. I didn’t like writing a check for $4.289.39. But I’m thankful I had it. And I’m not jumping up and down to do more days of deep inner work. But I’m thankful for the lesson and most thankful that I got it this time.
Pretty odd thought, isn’t it? And I bet your mind doesn’t want to think it, either!
Matthew Ferry, a personal growth professional, describes your mind as being like a drunk monkey – that obnoxious drunk, never stops chattering, always on your back, voice. He also points out that your mind’s only goal is to survive. In other words, your mind’s goal isn’t to make you better, help you achieve, break through old patterns. Instead, your mind’s only function is to help you to survive, and it does this by making sure you don’t do anything too unfamiliar or “scary”.
If that’s the case, your mind isn’t helping you reach your goals, dreams and desires, because, by definition, all of those are located outside what is familiar.
The drunk monkey (your mind) is obsessed with the past. It goes over it again and again and again.
Sound familiar???
Your mind is willing to focus on the past because at least it is familiar (familiar = safe), even if it’s not enjoyable or what you want.
As you’ll see on the video, Matthew says we need to shift from a past-based mindset and begin to operate from the future – that that’s where the inspiration is. It means doing something unfamiliar, uncomfortable – and making it the “new” familiar in the process. Sort of like brown is the new black or 40 is the new 30, maybe “new” is the new “familiar”. Cool, huh?
Watch Matthew’s video and listen to his humorous approach to this pretty significant issue we all face. Then check out his site. And remember, goals are designed to fix your broken life. What would you focus on to inspire your Great life?
What would happen if you simply used your mind as a tool, rather than thinking of it as “who you are”?
If you are like me (and most other people on the planet), you have many beliefs that serve you well. Beliefs that help you accomplish goals, contribute to others, and guide you in difficult times.
But if you are really like most people, then you also have a whole bag full of beliefs that get in the way and hold you back…otherwise known as “limiting beliefs”.
Most of us know what at least some of our limiting beliefs are, though there are always some we haven’t become aware of. Sometimes our best approach is to focus on the beliefs we know about. The trick is in how to change those limiting beliefs so that they not only don’t get in the way any longer, but also actually transform into beliefs that help us.
I had a personal encounter with this very issue today.
Like you, I’m a personal growth enthusiast, so I’m always seeking new experiences and greater self-understanding. To help with that, I’ve been working with a coach who is helping me look specifically at self-esteem – my self-esteem. I wish I could tell you it has all been fabulous and fast, but it seems that shifting some of those long-held and hidden beliefs can take more than a little bit of nudging and nurturing in order to shift.
